1 00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:09,440 There he is. The yellow-sticker boy. 2 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:12,280 Remember, girls, show no mercy. 3 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,880 Please be gentle. 4 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:15,440 Tonight, we feast! 5 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:20,960 See? At five minutes to ten, they do the double-yellow reduced labels. 6 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:25,320 A fantastic haul. £100 worth of food for £20. 7 00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:27,560 - What a saving. - Yeah, but half of it's off. 8 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:30,360 Well, your figure could do with the food poisoning, so it's win-win. 9 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,360 And I got chocolate rolls for 29p. 10 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,040 A bit stale, just how I like it. 11 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:35,280 This is your fault, Josie. 12 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,120 We'd be driving home if you hadn't totalled the car 13 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:40,000 - trying to escape your own wedding. - Nah, walking's much better. 14 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,800 We're lionesses dragging home a fresh kill. 15 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:44,840 - It's feminist. - I'm not a feminist. 16 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:48,000 All that campaigning, and for what? To work and vote? 17 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,280 Sounds like a lot of fucking effort. 18 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,000 Yeah, I'm not feminist either. 19 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,960 I like a man to take care of me. 20 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,520 - So why isn't Dev picking us up? - He's got a more important job. 21 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:57,040 He's getting rid of the fucking boxes 22 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:58,560 and moving the fucking boat. 23 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:00,640 That man in there is on strike three. 24 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,320 Strike three out of what? 25 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:12,000 Darling, I can't help but notice that all the boxes are still here. 26 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,480 Yeah, sorry. I've been working. 27 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:15,720 SLURPING INHALATION 28 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,920 Have you heard about love languages? 29 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,480 It's fascinating. 30 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,000 Ooh! What's in the bag? 31 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,400 Ha-ha! 32 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,480 Oh, no. No. They're a bit stale. 33 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:31,000 Where is your car and why is your boat still on the drive? 34 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,120 - I sold it. - You sold your car? 35 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:35,040 Oh, yeah. To pay for the counselling course. 36 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:37,160 Why the fuck didn't you sell the boat?! 37 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,080 Now, that's not very loving language, Deb. 38 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:40,600 Sorry. 39 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,840 Why didn't you sell the fucking boat? 40 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:45,560 Sell the Lovely Lisa when she brings us so much joy? 41 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,320 Wouldn't do that to you, sexy bum. 42 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:49,960 - Oh-ho! - We need that car. 43 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,600 Oh, I'm sorry, Deb. I thought you'd be happy for me. 44 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:54,720 As they say in counselling - probably - 45 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:58,000 it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. 46 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:01,200 PHONE CHIMES 47 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:01,200 Oh, back in a minute. 48 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,840 Time for my mindfulness. 49 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,280 DEV HUMS 50 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:12,040 Forgive me. 51 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:23,040 Can I please ask you to use nonviolent communication? 52 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,320 - I'll give you nonviolent communication! - Ow! 53 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:28,120 Not the chocolate rolls! Stop it! They're hard! 54 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:29,880 I thought you'd be supportive, Deb! 55 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:32,840 This is giving me flashbacks to when Dad left. 56 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,400 At least Dev can't take all the Blu-rays this time. 57 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:36,960 Or Daddy the cat. 58 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,280 RIP, forever in our hearts. 59 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:43,440 Selfish, penny-pinching, miserly arsehole! 60 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:45,400 - Don't say that. - You love him, really. 61 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,280 The man downstairs isn't Dev. 62 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,560 He's a leech from hell sent to bleed us dry! 63 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:51,920 Come on, Mum, you don't mean that. 64 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:54,600 We need to get rid of the drains on this family. 65 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:56,760 Well, there's no need to bring my wife into this. 66 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,720 Why the fuck is the bathroom door locked? 67 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,280 There are no secrets in this house! 68 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,920 - Nicky. - Deb. 69 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:11,880 The drain's clogged again. 70 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:18,720 SHE WAILS 71 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,440 They're not going to break up. 72 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,200 You'll all feel so silly for worrying. 73 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,520 HE SOBS 74 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,640 It's just a little, tiny break. 75 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,000 We love you all very much. 76 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,640 Oh, for God's sake. 77 00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:32,520 All of you just need to grow up! 78 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:35,880 Captain Cheapskate's gonna move his fucking boxes TONIGHT! 79 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:37,520 You know, I can't believe you're kicking me out. 80 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:40,120 - Get in. - Right when I was about to fix the hole in the bathroom floor. 81 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,320 Absolutely. The same day you pay for dinner 82 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:45,320 and we all feast on a FLYING FUCKING PIG! 83 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,560 Because you're CHEAP! 84 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:56,560 I swear to God, I will not have any more dead weight in this house. 85 00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:00,360 Especially you two. No more of this conceiving-a-son nonsense. 86 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,120 I mean it. 87 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,160 Mm, mm, mm! 88 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,480 Get in there, my son! 89 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,320 Oh! 90 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:10,160 Yeah, I think that was it. 91 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,040 You're definitely pregnant now. 92 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,480 Yep. 93 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,720 URINATING 94 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,160 OK, I think I've pissed most of it out. 95 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:24,400 That's the last time I'm picking up the morning-after pill for you. 96 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:27,200 The woman in there thinks I have a fetish for unprotected sex. 97 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,760 - You do. - Just tell him you don't want to have his baby. 98 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,640 I don't want to make things awkward. 99 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,000 Maybe having a baby wouldn't be so bad. 100 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,080 Seb promised he'd take me away from here. 101 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:39,080 Having a baby just feels like a small price to pay for freedom. 102 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,960 Shit. You're right. 103 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,840 You should probably have his baby. 104 00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:44,720 But everyone who has a baby is insufferable. 105 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,840 The worst. I've spent nine months constipated, 106 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:49,240 but I'm not forcing everyone to look at pictures of my shit. 107 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,840 Why is Seb so desperate to procreate? 108 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:55,000 Maybe he's bored. Men need multi-sensory stimulation. 109 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,280 That's why Nicky watches porn while he's fucking me. 110 00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:59,120 Babies scare me. 111 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,120 What if someone asks me to hold it? 112 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,840 What if I hold it wrong and everyone thinks I'm a paedophile? 113 00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,880 I don't want people to think I'm a paedophile. 114 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,480 Listen to me. You don't need to have his baby. 115 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,440 Stop letting him enter you. 116 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,640 I have to. I'm stuck. 117 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,640 Plus, he looks so sad. Which you know turns me on. 118 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:18,600 He thinks Deb and Dev breaking up means true love isn't real. 119 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,240 Me and Nicky have true love. 120 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,280 Yeah? How long is he going to be here for? 121 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,720 As long as it takes. 122 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,400 Until we get the money for Billie's cabaret bar 123 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,760 and live happily ever after. 124 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,560 But what happened to the last money you gave him? 125 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:29,800 And why's he back from Manchester? 126 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,960 Josie, I don't know how many times I need to say this - 127 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,720 he's got an avoidant-attachment style. 128 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:38,120 He was avoiding me, now he's attached. 129 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,800 Honestly, it's not rocket science. 130 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:43,440 The point is, he's here now, and I know exactly where he is. 131 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:44,840 DOORBELL RINGS 132 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:49,040 - Have you seen Nicky? - No. 133 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,200 Weird. Who? 134 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:52,840 Hmm, yeah, no idea, actually. 135 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:54,720 He's been gone for weeks. I hacked his emails. 136 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:57,320 He bought a one-way ticket on Trainline to Crawley. 137 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:03,320 Well, he's definitely not here. We should go and look for him. 138 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:05,120 Fucking hell, it's looking right at me. 139 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,360 Hello, mister. What's your name? 140 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,040 Seb, it's a fucking baby. 141 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,680 It can't even speak. How the fuck is it supposed to know its name? 142 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:14,440 - Can I hold him? - Yes, please. I'm exhausted. 143 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:15,960 Ah! 144 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,360 You can watch him, actually. 145 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,840 - Me and Bianca have an errand to run. - Er, no, thank you. - Yes, please. 146 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:22,560 - Oh, er... - I will fight with every fibre of my being 147 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:24,320 to protect this precious new life. 148 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,040 Come on, Bianca, let's go. Quick! Mum's upstairs. 149 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,320 Trust me, it's fine. We'll be gone for ten minutes, tops. 150 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:34,400 Give yourself a break. You look so, so tired... 151 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:35,960 ..and old. 152 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,560 Bye. 153 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,240 It's so weird seeing you with a baby. 154 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:44,000 Whose is it? 155 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,920 - It's mine. - Artificial insemination? 156 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,120 What? No, it's mine and Nicky's. 157 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,440 Oh, that's weird. Two boyfriends called Nicky. 158 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:54,400 - What are the chances? - Er, no, there's just one Nicky. 159 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:56,480 He's the father. 160 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:58,080 I don't understand. 161 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:02,000 Nicky, the one that chose me, we went to Manchester together? 162 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,680 He's the dad. I'm the mum. 163 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,400 It's our baby. 164 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:08,520 Oh. 165 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,280 - All right. - Yeah. 166 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:12,480 One second, please. 167 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,800 SILENTLY 168 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:33,960 You ready? 169 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,080 I'm just so happy for you. 170 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,000 Is it trained? I feel like it's going to bite me. 171 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,920 Honestly, Josie. Trust me. Hold it and you'll see. 172 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:47,400 No, I'm too scared. 173 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,560 Its eyes are following me around the room. 174 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:54,880 BABY COOS 175 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,560 Don't point that thing at me. Where the fuck has it come from? 176 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,320 - Send it back. - It's Bianca's baby. We're just watching him. 177 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:04,040 Look at it. All it does is eat and shit and cry. 178 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,520 I've got a house full of people who already do that. 179 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,920 Honestly, 18 years of that. 180 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:12,000 You think it's over, and then it decides it might be an artist, 181 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,280 but never does anything. 182 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:15,720 - Do I look fantastic? - Why? Where are you going? 183 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,480 Girls' night. I thought I'd try and feel better about myself 184 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,360 by visiting a woman who's life is sadder 185 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,280 than all of ours put together. 186 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:23,760 Aunt Wendy. 187 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:26,760 Well, I'm off out too. 188 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,680 What? Where? 189 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,680 DOOR CLOSES 190 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:31,000 Book club. 191 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,240 You've not been in ages. Can't you miss this one? 192 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,240 This is exactly what I said would happen! 193 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,840 We have this baby and you expect me to give up my social life? 194 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,520 You just want me trapped at home, cooking your dinner 195 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,600 and putting your jumpers in the washing machine. 196 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,080 No, thank you! 197 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:48,600 Those are hand-wash only. 198 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,520 DOOR CLOSES 199 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,680 Girls' night! 200 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:01,680 - A casino? - Yes, just like in the movies. 201 00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,280 It's fun. You need some of that. 202 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:08,240 SHE SIGHS 203 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:08,240 Oh, darling. 204 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:10,640 How utterly terrible. 205 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,760 We all said this would happen. 206 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,000 How awful. 207 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,920 I just wanted to come for a pep talk, you know? 208 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,440 Single woman to single woman. 209 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:21,280 Obviously, you've been single for years, 210 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:23,360 so I knew you'd understand. 211 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:26,240 So lovely of you to seek comfort from your sister 212 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,000 in your hour of need. 213 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,360 Just as the tables have turned. 214 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,560 I'm happily in a relationship. 215 00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:35,800 - You what? - Yes. And you're not. 216 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:40,200 Gosh, what a strange turn of events. 217 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,120 I'm experiencing life in your shoes. 218 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:46,400 - Well, your old shoes. My new shoes. - SHE CHUCKLES 219 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:48,280 It's funny, isn't it? 220 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,400 Back to being little old Debbie Downer. 221 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,440 What was all that shit about not needing a man? 222 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,880 Oh, turns out I got that completely wrong. 223 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,720 It's much easier with a man. What was I thinking? 224 00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:59,560 He's coming tonight. I hope you don't mind. 225 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,600 It's supposed to be girls' night. 226 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,120 See... 227 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,720 ..it might be because I'm a little bit of an empath, 228 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,280 but I can't help but feel you're annoyed with me. 229 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,760 You're a fucking Judas on HRT. 230 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,920 - Here he is! - Ah. 231 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:14,960 WENDY GIGGLES 232 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:19,680 - Hello, Debbie. - You remember James, don't you? 233 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:21,960 I bumped into him in Morrison's. 234 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,840 Not seen him in years. 235 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,440 Scrubs up good, doesn't he? 236 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:27,800 I happen to think he looks a little bit like James Bond. 237 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,400 THEY CHUCKLE 238 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,920 Can't see it myself. 239 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:32,880 Martinis, ladies? 240 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,360 My treat, obviously. 241 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,480 That's how a real man treats a woman. 242 00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,760 Dev's probably halfway to Timbuktu by now. 243 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:47,960 SEAGULLS SCREECH 244 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:55,800 See what I mean? 245 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,320 Absolutely no chat, and it stinks of shit. 246 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:00,920 How long was I gone? 247 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,520 He's Nicky's. 248 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:03,800 Oh, right. 249 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,320 Don't mind me, Deb! I'm just here to clear my boxes. 250 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,800 - It's just us. - Oh, thank God. 251 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,680 Stocking up on toilet roll. 252 00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:15,880 Does Deb really think I'm cheap? 253 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:20,200 Well, when was the last time you paid for anything? 254 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,120 I wouldn't want to belittle Deb like that. 255 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,560 I'm a feminist. I believe in equal pay. 256 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,760 Women should pay equally for dinner. 257 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,560 Oh, what's this? 258 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,040 Oh, my God! 259 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,120 What? 260 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,800 Did you know they've got problems with money? 261 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:46,720 Now you're saying that, it is ringing a bell. 262 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:52,480 Do you think Deb would take me back if I...paid for something? 263 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,240 I think so, yeah. 264 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:55,880 Wow. 265 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,240 Deb's not a feminist. 266 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,560 Yeah, well, neither am I. 267 00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:03,040 Feminism's gone too far. I mean, look at us. 268 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,840 Stuck here. All these women are out gallivanting around. 269 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,160 - They've tricked us! - For too long, men have stayed at home 270 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,400 with the children while women just do whatever they like. 271 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,040 I've not been hiding. I've been in a cage. 272 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,360 It's time we broke free. 273 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:17,800 How do we do that? 274 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,200 Pub? 275 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:27,160 A really, really fit man? 276 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:28,840 In here? 277 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:30,200 I don't think so. 278 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:31,920 He's really good at drawing straight lines. 279 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,600 Oh, Nicky? Um, no, I haven't seen him for months. 280 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,000 Oh, must be a different Nicky. I don't know why we're here. 281 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,880 He's never been to a casino before. 282 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,320 Yeah, maybe not with you, but we were always in here. 283 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,040 He said I was his good-luck charm, 284 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,920 which is why he always bet with my money. 285 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,920 Two shots, please. 286 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:50,480 Do you remember the last time we went out? 287 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:53,320 Not really. I was so drunk. 288 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,400 Me too. I don't remember anything. 289 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,880 Unless you do. 290 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,240 Now, since we're here, do you want another drink? 291 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,840 Well, it is nice being away from little Nicky. 292 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,000 I'll have an Old Passion. 293 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,800 Do you mean an Old Fashioned? 294 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,240 Don't think so. 295 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,880 So I just tap my card down? 296 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,880 Yeah, it's contactless. 297 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,440 Well, I'll be damned! 298 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,400 - Just tap it. - I know. I...I know. 299 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,640 BEEP 300 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,040 Ooh! 301 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:47,680 Well, isn't that a thrill? 302 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:53,800 He's such a little lad, isn't he? 303 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,560 He's going to be a heart-breaker when he's older. 304 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,680 A CEO, or a footballer. 305 00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:59,600 Doesn't say much, does he? 306 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:01,440 The strong, silent type. 307 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,480 Um... 308 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,320 ..Nicky's a girl. 309 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,200 Oh. 310 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,360 I'm sorry. 311 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,240 I did my best, boys. 312 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,400 Well... 313 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:21,320 ..she could be, like, a secretary or something. 314 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,280 You know, like...like, a really, really good one. 315 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:27,240 Like, a PA to an astronaut, or a king. 316 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:28,880 Absolutely. 317 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:31,520 BABY NICKY CRIES 318 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:31,520 Oh, Gawd. 319 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,440 What do we do now? 320 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:35,560 I want to comfort her, 321 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:38,440 but I can't help but feel like she's only doing it for attention. 322 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,160 Agreed. So dramatic. 323 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,960 Why do girls always ruin our lads' night out? 324 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,120 BELL RINGS 325 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,840 Aw, just when I'd gotten the hang of paying for things. 326 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,680 See? I'm not cheap. 327 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,640 If only Deb could see me now. 328 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,920 Where else can we go to spend money? 329 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,160 I know a place we can go, 330 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,440 but we need to get rid of this dead weight first. 331 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,120 CRYING CONTINUES 332 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:58,960 Oh, have a day off, love. 333 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,640 - What's happening? - Late-night book club. 334 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,160 It was your idea. 335 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,120 Not that you ever come. 336 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:14,040 It's become really popular with uni students, actually. 337 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,840 Why are you puttng lipstick on? It's only Seb. 338 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,560 - Claire. - Seb. 339 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,120 Josie, it's your turn to watch the baby. 340 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:32,680 - It's lads' night. - Aw! Of course we can watch him! 341 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:34,200 He's a cutie. 342 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,640 Come on, then. 343 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,000 Hello. 344 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,560 Hi there. 345 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:48,120 Er...you left your book here from last week. 346 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,720 Oh. Whoops. 347 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,080 You've been coming to book club? 348 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,280 The discourse is very compelling. 349 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:56,840 Right. See you. 350 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,560 You are determined for this baby to ruin my social life. 351 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,200 I thought you were a feminist. 352 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,480 - I'm not a feminist any more. - Me neither. 353 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,200 A house with traditional values 354 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,600 where a man works and a woman stays at home 355 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,320 is a tried and tested method 356 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:12,200 that sounds a bit of all right to me. 357 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,360 I just need to find a man first. 358 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,800 THEY LAUGH 359 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,000 Ooh, this looks fun. 360 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,800 Maybe we shouldn't gamble tonight. 361 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,600 Classic Debbie Downer. 362 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,240 Still on the scooter, are we? 363 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:30,480 Only had a car for ten minutes 364 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,160 - before her lesbian daughter totalled it. - Never mind. 365 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,720 James, go for it. 366 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:35,880 Haven't got any chips. 367 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,520 How about these? 368 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,040 James! Not Little Miss Mini. 369 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:42,600 We can't accept these, sir. 370 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,200 They do in Casino Royale. 371 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:45,520 Yeah, but not in Crawley. 372 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:47,600 And that was Aston Martin, not a Mini Cooper. 373 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:48,880 Uh-oh. 374 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,080 Here we go. 375 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,960 Right. Well, then. Ahem. 376 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:58,320 You know what they say. 377 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,560 When the fun stops - stop. 378 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,680 Have a wonderful evening. 379 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,600 James, how could you?! 380 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,120 I'm just been silly. 381 00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:11,640 We're getting a new one soon anyway. 382 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:14,560 Well, James Bond. I'll get some martinis, shall I? 383 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,320 - Yeah. - Rower. - Rower. 384 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:22,880 You selling your car? 385 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,440 386 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,600 387 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,280 - Oh, do you sing as well? - Yeah. Um... 388 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,560 ..Nicky said I sound just like Amy Winehouse. 389 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,800 - Weird. Must have got us mixed up, cos - I - sound just like her. 390 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,400 He said to me he's working on the recording contract. 391 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,840 He just needs me to fund the studio and hire the manager, 392 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:44,440 so I'm just waiting for the loan to go through. 393 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:46,480 He said my voice is so good that I need to keep it to myself 394 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:47,920 because the world isn't ready. 395 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,160 Do you think he knows any Amy Winehouse? 396 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,080 BABY NICKY WAILS 397 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,160 That's such an interesting point, Theo. 398 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,400 Did anyone else have thoughts they'd like to share? 399 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,160 Sorry. Is this your baby? 400 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,560 Er, I've been left with it. 401 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,640 Oh, God. That's awful. 402 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,920 - A single mother? - Um... 403 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,800 So brave. So impressive. 404 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,240 I guess I am quite brave. 405 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,280 CRYING CONTINUES 406 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,640 So, you're in the market for a car, Debbie? 407 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,000 How much do you want for it? 408 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:35,040 James Bond doesn't do this for the money. 409 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:36,680 What do you want, then? 410 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,360 I think you know. 411 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:40,080 I don't. 412 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:43,080 I...want you to fuck me. 413 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,400 You what? 414 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,400 Oh, come on! Please! 415 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,360 Please fuck me! 416 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:52,600 I've been thinking about it for ages! 417 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,800 Oh, come on! You know you want to. 418 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,360 I'll give you my car! 419 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:00,080 Aw! 420 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,800 Yeah, I guess we just have a special connection. 421 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,640 - They're gorgeous. - All right, paedophile! 422 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,040 Honestly, all this attention is too much. 423 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:11,040 Don't mind me, everyone. Just carry on reading. 424 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,920 I'm just looking after my baby. 425 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,280 Charlie! 426 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,440 It's me, Josie, from the psych ward. 427 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,520 Would you like to meet my baby? 428 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,360 Well, is it yours? 429 00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:26,040 What, you think I'm some weirdo nonce with someone else's baby? 430 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,280 Of course it's mine! 431 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,280 Oh. 432 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:30,400 Wow. 433 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,760 He's not a sex pest. He's James Bond. 434 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,480 - James Bond IS a sex pest! - I knew you'd say this. 435 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,160 Suddenly you get dumped, and I'm the more fuckable sister. 436 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,240 And it's hard for you to take, I understand. 437 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,840 But don't start making up lies just for attention. 438 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:47,480 You're just jealous because I'm happy, 439 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,200 and you're back to being Debbie fucking Downer. 440 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:52,520 Listen to me. He begged to fuck me. 441 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:54,480 No, Debbie, you listen to me. 442 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,680 It's not my fault your life's shit. 443 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,640 Two feral daughters - one is a lesbian, pardon my French - 444 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:01,320 but don't take that out on me. 445 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,040 I am the more fuckable sister. 446 00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:11,520 Boys, get ready for the wildest night of your lives. 447 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,280 THEY LAUGH 448 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,240 BUZZING 449 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,880 Oh, come on, please! 450 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,200 For old times' sake. I was your best croupier! 451 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,760 Oh, for God's sake. It was a prank call on my stag. 452 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,440 Of course I don't have a gun. 453 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,840 What, you think I'm just going to whip out a gun and shoot everyone? 454 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,600 What, you think I've got a gun in my bag 455 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,200 I'm trying to get inside to finish the job? 456 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:34,680 Seriously?! 457 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:37,960 Go on. 458 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:42,160 I go out by myself 459 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:45,400 460 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:51,800 what you're doing 461 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:55,600 462 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,200 463 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,920 464 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,600 your ginger hair... 465 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:08,000 Fuck feminism. Women don't control us. We play by our own rules. 466 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,560 467 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,960 468 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:21,320 come on over, Valerie? 469 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:24,480 Wow, you do sound just like her. 470 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,160 So do you. 471 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,400 Ah! 472 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,040 I knew it. You're still a feminist. 473 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,560 - Only for you. - Oh! 474 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:37,920 - Say it! - Argh! 475 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,480 Say I'm the more fuckable sister! 476 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,400 Book another smear test, you single, old hag! 477 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,800 Hey, you two! This isn't feminism. 478 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,800 Feminism has gone too fucking far. 479 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,520 I don't need feminism. 480 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,240 I've got a boyfriend. 481 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,160 You should both be ashamed. 482 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:55,920 This is what a feminist looks like. 483 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,320 Come on, baby. 484 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:13,960 Look, Deb, I am sorry your life has turned out this way. 485 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,360 Two lesbian daughters? 486 00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:19,000 Men take one look at you and run for the hills. 487 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,400 Spencer was right to leave you. 488 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:22,440 And I'm not surprised Dev doesn't pay for anything 489 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,280 cos you're not worth anything! 490 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,560 You're right. Thank you. 491 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:32,920 Have you ever heard the phrase, 492 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,520 "Ask for forgiveness, not permission"? 493 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:36,960 No, why? 494 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,000 No reason. 495 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:49,160 Run away with me. 496 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,640 Well, where would we even go? 497 00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:52,520 Paris. Just you and me. 498 00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:54,080 We'll run Bianca Bar together. 499 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,520 La Bianca Bar. 500 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,160 - You'd really do that? - Bianca, listen to me. You're everything. 501 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,920 We're going. We're starting again. We could do it ourselves. 502 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,520 Raise Nicky with two mums. What's more feminist than that? 503 00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,040 He'll be the most naturally blonde baby in all of Paris. 504 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:07,880 Yes, yes! Let's do it! When? 505 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,480 Now. We're getting little Nicky, and we're leaving. 506 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:11,720 Wait! 507 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:16,120 Can I still be in the Perfect Pussy Club even though I've had a kid? 508 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:19,080 I don't know. 509 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,280 You'll have to let me have a look. 510 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,120 A single mother? I had no idea. 511 00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:27,640 And stealing your education back from university, too? 512 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,560 - It's amazing. - And look at me. 513 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,000 Holding it completely normally. 514 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,600 Not thinking or doing anything weird. 515 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,720 I got you completely wrong, you know. 516 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:38,560 I thought you were a bit crazy, 517 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,640 but postpartum depression is a very real thing. 518 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:45,560 That's OK. Most people don't understand me. 519 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:47,720 But maybe...you do. 520 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,000 Where is she?! 521 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,520 Please, be quiet. We've got a mother and baby here. 522 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,920 - That's not her baby. - It's mine. - You don't even like babies. 523 00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,720 Look, it's not my fault, OK? Everyone was giving me attention. 524 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,520 What was I supposed to do? Tell the truth? 525 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:02,880 I can't handle the truth! 526 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,320 You need help. 527 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:05,880 You should be back on the psych ward. 528 00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:07,960 She did try. They just wouldn't take her. 529 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:21,760 - That was quick. - My card's been blocked because of unusual activity. 530 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,560 What's the unusual activity? 531 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:24,760 I've been using it. 532 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,760 All been OK out here? 533 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:29,720 It was rough. Kind of felt like that time 534 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,080 you all forgot me at the petrol station. 535 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,240 Oh, no, we didn't forget you. 536 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,160 Josie asked us to drive away. 537 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:40,800 - What? - Yeah, when Deb was shouting out the window, "She's gay." 538 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,320 Thought she was saying, "This way, Seb. This way." 539 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:45,280 I thought she was telling me to follow. 540 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,120 Be honest with me. 541 00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:51,640 Do you think Josie doesn't want to be with me at all? 542 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:55,680 If I'm being honest, 543 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,440 I really don't think Deb was shouting, "This way." 544 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:01,920 I think Josie might be a lesbian. 545 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,280 She married me. We're trying for a baby. 546 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,000 Why would a lesbian do that? 547 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:11,960 I just don't think there's any pleasing these women. 548 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:17,440 I think I'm going to stay out just a little longer. 549 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:20,000 Where will you go at this time? 550 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:21,160 Seb? 551 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:27,080 This is so exciting. A one-way coach trip to Paris with no stops. 552 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,160 Croissant for three! 553 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,400 Perfect Pussy Club on tour. 554 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,160 Perfect Pussy Club on tour. 555 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,440 I know! I'm so excited. 556 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:39,640 I'm just going to go and ask the driver when we're going. One sec. 557 00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,160 SHE SIGHS 558 00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:48,400 BUS ENGINE STARTS 559 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,600 I love you. 560 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,880 I think I do want to have a kid with you. 561 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,440 I don't know. 562 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:32,320 I'm not sure we're ready. 563 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:33,880 I know you don't want one. 564 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,640 I changed my mind. 565 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:38,680 I got so much attention with that baby earlier. 566 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,360 It was amazing. 567 00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:42,720 I was a natural. 568 00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:44,680 I think I should leave you on your own for a bit. 569 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,120 What? Please don't go. 570 00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:49,600 I'm starting to worry we're not right for each other. 571 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,000 You can't leave. 572 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:52,880 Um, er... 573 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,240 ..I'm pregnant. 574 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,200 What? 575 00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,840 Oh, my God. Well, how far along are you? 576 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:03,360 When did this happen? I've got so many questions! Um... 577 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,560 It's not important. 578 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:07,120 I'm just so happy! 579 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:13,360 You were out late. 580 00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:15,000 Where have you been, then? 581 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,320 Book club. 582 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,360 What did I tell you, girls? We don't need men. 583 00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:27,840 A boot full of gone-off goodies and door-to-door service. 584 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,000 It doesn't get better than this. 585 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,800 Hector's back. 586 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,240 - Hector 2. - He's so handsome. 587 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,600 - He is. - How did you get him? 588 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,240 Forgiveness, not permission, girls. 589 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,600 Forgiveness, not permission. 590 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:44,000 CAR ALARM PIPS 591 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:44,000 Now that's feminism.